When Christians Disagree

In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity. This maxim has served as a guidepost for Christian conduct concerning debatable issues for centuries. Nevertheless, there are times when Brothers and Sisters find themselves at junctures where differences of opinion strain relationships at the least, and lead to a parting of ways at the worst. How can Christians maintain Christ-like love when tensions are high, feelings are raw and dreams of accomplishing great things together for God seem out reach? As a vocational Christian servant who has logged in almost 25 years of ministry, I have witnessed some significant church conflicts. Scripture has comforted me in these times and given me some clear guidance to navigate the stormy waters that sometimes pose a challenge in the Christian journey.

I have come to recognize that though it is preferable to have a walk of faith free of conflict, tensions among Christians are part of the Christian life. This was true even at the genesis of the church. After the Apostle Paul’s Emmaus Road experience during which he become a follower of Jesus, his former life of persecuting Christians was a persistent memory in the minds of other Christians; so persistent, that church leaders were hesitant to accept the credentials of faith he presented. It took the strong advocacy of missionary leader Barnabas to gain Paul’s acceptance into the Christian community. This stance led to a deep, thriving friendship and ministry partnership between the two men. However, even this seemingly unbreakable bond of brotherhood was tested when a disagreement arose between them regarding another brother’s readiness for ministry. Acts 15:36-41 recounts how between them there arose “such a sharp disagreement that they parted company.” Who could claim to be more zealous for the message of Jesus than the Apostle Paul? Who could claim to be more gracious, loving and accepting than Barnabas? Not many if anyone! Yet, even between these two spiritual Titans, a difference of opinion over a non-doctrinal issue arose that caused these two righteous and upright brothers to part ways. Conflict happens. Differences of opinion and approach arise, yet how we conduct ourselves in the midst of conflict says much about our hearts and the maturity level of our faith. The New Testament record seems to indicate that the two evangelists eventually arrived at a point of mutual respect, sharing resources and people even though they continued ministering independently, and never seem to have directly partnered in ministry together again.

Scripture calls Christian believers to act, speak and conduct our online activities with civility and love. It is not necessarily wrong to disagree, but the manner in which one disagrees and the attitudes displayed will dictate whether the debate leads to long-term resentment or to mutual respect. Colossians 4:6 admonishes us to “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Gracious communication should be reasonable, careful and courteous. We must handle our disagreements in an agreeable way. We have to constantly ask ourselves questions such as, “Am I venting or sharing?” “Am I being kind or cutting?” “Am I sharing in the proper context?” “Do I really need to share what I am feeling or is it best to ponder my thoughts a bit more?” “If I believe I need to share what is on my heart, what can I do to communicate my love for those I am trying to convince?”

I have been able to observe a few truths in action that I’d like to share. In my experience, no matter on what side of an issue Brothers and Sisters may have taken – even disagreements sharp enough to cause a parting of ways – those who walked in the light and love of Jesus were the quickest to heal and the first to reach out for some sort of reconciliation. Humility and love must guide truth and light. Right facts presented in a wrong way, “still ain’t right!” People we love deeply will sometimes disagree on a matter that hurts us greatly. Nevertheless, we must do all we can to peacefully follow our convictions while trusting that the brother or sister on the other side of the matter has righteous intentions but for whatever reason, just can’t see the situation the same as I do.

We should always seek to present our case in a way that demonstrates Christ in us and bears witness as His love shines through. In John 13:34-35 Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” It should always be our goal that in all our dealing, whether verbal, written or electronic, that others be able to clearly see our love for each other, even when we disagree. 1 Corinthians 13 gives us beautiful and unfailing instruction regarding the power of this kind of love – Jesus’ love:

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away…When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

If along the walk of faith you find yourself in disagreement with a fellow believer, remember that the way you voice your disagreement is just as important as the truth for which you are trying to stand. Make sure that in everything you do you are representing the Lord with excellence and love. Bathe all your actions in prayer. Finally, as you press forward doing your best to prove your point, make sure that as you win your argument you do your best not to lose your friend.

Until Next time…

Sam

My Apologies To Trigger

The sound rang in the air. At first I wasn’t sure, but there was no mistaking it. It came through loud and clear. I got in the car and told Luz about it – that ignominious greeting that had flavored many of our ministry experiences in the hard-nosed, rust belt cities of the Midwest and the polite and genteel haunts of the Bible Belt in the South. I heard it. Just as I stepped out of the post office, walking towards my car, in the dark of night, I heard it above the roaring engine of the passing vehicle and background noise of a near-by gas station. It came in a cacophony of voices, united in purpose and intent on delivering an age-old greeting that in one word delivered an avalanche of messages. “[N-WORD!!!!]”

My first reaction was actually one of satisfaction. I thought, “I must still look pretty intimidating if they had to use the cover of darkness, passing by at a high rate of speed, heading in the opposite direction to gather up the courage to say ‘it!’” I tried to process the occurrence to see if there was some action or attitude I had displayed that had initiated such a greeting. I took note that I wasn’t wearing a Vikings or Bears jersey and had no bumper stickers or paraphernalia that disparaged beer or cheese. Nope. It was simply a drive-by shooting off at the lip. As I put our minivan into gear, Luz nervously asked “What are you doing? You’re not going to chase them, are you?” “Nah!” I replied. I might still look intimidating, but I know my limitations and I doubt very seriously that the Lord would take kindly to my chasing down some misguided souls who had no better way to amuse themselves than to “call me a name that rhymes with the name of Roy Roger’s horse – ‘Trigger!’”

Nevertheless, it was still a noteworthy moment in our Wisconsin existence. I’ve now had an “N-Word” experience on every continent that I have visited and in every ministry venue in which I have served. I’ve had “N-Word” encounters feeding the poor overseas, in dangerous neighborhoods stateside and in places as classy as the Hotel Thayer at West Point, even as I wore my Full Dress Grey Uniform! There seems to be no rest or escape from its tentacles. Having said this, my latest experience has not angered or frustrated me. It has simply served as another reminder that in this land of warm greetings, cheese wheels, Kringles and the Green Bay Packers, there are people who need to experience the love and forgiveness that Jesus calls all Christians to display, and there is no time to go on vacation from loving, reaching out and forgiving, even if it hurts.

If the “N-Word” persists, we who know Jesus and all those who are committed to good will and peace among people must stubbornly cling to the way of truth, love, forgiveness and righteousness that Jesus exemplified. After all, even the noble “Trigger” - Roy Roger’s trusted equine collaborator - consistently displayed honor, integrity, good manners and good will towards all, though nothing more than a beast of burden. Unfortunately, it seems that when it comes to decent and loving behavior, some humans still don’t have horse sense. Trigger I apologize for my misguided friends, and commit myself to extend a hand of friendship and pray that others will persist in extending their hands too! Until next time…


Sam

But Then We Fooled Around And Acted Out Of Love

Eight years ago, I found myself in the midst of a church life situation that proved to be one of the most intense tests of my commitment to basic Christian principles that I ever faced. Anger, mistrust and hurt among the leadership of the church in which I was then serving manifested itself in some truly damaging and hurtful ways, leading to the dissolution of unity, the breaking of relationships and the scattering of the church family. Having arrived at the ministry full of optimism and energy with the prospect of many years of ministry service a virtual certainty, I found myself in the midst of a firestorm and ultimately without a church n which to belong and without a ministry in which I could vocationally serve.

By God's mercy, Luz and I were able to follow His leading in starting another ministry, and to be joined in that endeavor by others who had a common vision to live in a caring, multicultural community for the Glory of Jesus Christ. Yet, because of the proximity of the former ministry partners with whom we had worked, and by whom we had felt so betrayed, we wondered for several years if the forgiveness demanded by Jesus and the restoration that is a hallmark of the standard Jesus has set for His church was really possible - not just on the part of others, but for us. Could we really EVER consider the people that had hurt us so deeply to be our real brothers and sisters in the Lord?

The answer came gradually. Luz and I had a deep conviction that we had to live what we believed in front of our children and try with all of our might NOT to drag them into the fray. Because churches blend the personal and professional lives of vocational Christian workers, the families of the workers are not necessarily shielded from the fallout of church rifts and difficulties. We made a promise to ourselves that we would encourage our children to continue their friendships formed within the church and to always treat former church members with respect regardless of what we may have thought their role might have been in the church debacle.

Luz and I were especially touched when we ourselves were treated with the respect we had demanded of our children by the children of people we felt had hurt us. It was a clear indication that there were others that were wrestling with the ramifications of the church's struggle and committed to apply the basic loving principles of the faith by trying to turn the tide of the situation towards healing. It showed us that sometimes, responses to deep hurts can be slow, but one must be alert for signs that changes of heart might be taking place.

More than that, there were individuals along the way who served as torchbearers in the process of trying to live like Jesus who, in spite of the hurts, stubbornly refused to take sides and just tried to love everybody into loving everybody else regardless of which "side" of the church split they might have been. With these siblings of faith in the mix, the walls of separation gradually began to wear down. People who were not speaking, began to hold conversations. People who had secretly vowed not to fellowship with other individuals began breaking bread with those very individuals they had vowed to shun. People like me, who thought they would never find themselves singing, worshipping and fellowshipping in the context of a Sunday service in the midst of that heretofore painful setting, found themselves singing, worshipping and fellowshipping in that same setting.

This Sunday, my family and I were graciously invited by friends to attend a worship service at our former place of service so that those who knew us might be able to pray for us and bid us a loving farewell. When we arrived, former co-laborers and church members practically mobbed us in love. There were hugs, tears, laughter, and the expression of some regrets but more than anything, a warm and overflowing display of acceptance. This acceptance was made possible by those who tenacious clung to the good - good memories of ministry: baptisms, weddings, comforted grief, and daring outreaches. The acceptance was also made possible by good memories of fellowship: funny stories, great times around food and good times just hanging out. Most everyone had grown in faith, grown in service, grown in humility and grown in love. It seemed we shared an understanding that God's Kingdom was best served when we patiently expected Him to live out His truths in us as He patiently waited for us to respond in loving obedience to His Truth.

As I stood in front of that congregation being blessed and prayed for in response to our entering a new chapter of ministry service in Racine, WI I couldn't help but reflect of the great love passage of 1 Corinthians 13:

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.

Love suffers long and never fails when we are committed to it. For a season in our service here in Metro Detroit, there was a lot of selfish foolishness but then we fooled around and acted out of love, and saw God glorified, His Word confirmed and our lives changed. Perhaps you've been deeply hurt in some church situation. Maybe you feel as if there is no way anything beautiful can emerge from your pain. I challenge you to remember that God's love is all about the Long Haul and that if you commit yourself to live in His love, you will not only see changes around you, you will see changes IN you! Let God's love get a hold on you. I know I'm glad I did.

Until next time...

Sam.