When Christians Disagree

In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity. This maxim has served as a guidepost for Christian conduct concerning debatable issues for centuries. Nevertheless, there are times when Brothers and Sisters find themselves at junctures where differences of opinion strain relationships at the least, and lead to a parting of ways at the worst. How can Christians maintain Christ-like love when tensions are high, feelings are raw and dreams of accomplishing great things together for God seem out reach? As a vocational Christian servant who has logged in almost 25 years of ministry, I have witnessed some significant church conflicts. Scripture has comforted me in these times and given me some clear guidance to navigate the stormy waters that sometimes pose a challenge in the Christian journey.

I have come to recognize that though it is preferable to have a walk of faith free of conflict, tensions among Christians are part of the Christian life. This was true even at the genesis of the church. After the Apostle Paul’s Emmaus Road experience during which he become a follower of Jesus, his former life of persecuting Christians was a persistent memory in the minds of other Christians; so persistent, that church leaders were hesitant to accept the credentials of faith he presented. It took the strong advocacy of missionary leader Barnabas to gain Paul’s acceptance into the Christian community. This stance led to a deep, thriving friendship and ministry partnership between the two men. However, even this seemingly unbreakable bond of brotherhood was tested when a disagreement arose between them regarding another brother’s readiness for ministry. Acts 15:36-41 recounts how between them there arose “such a sharp disagreement that they parted company.” Who could claim to be more zealous for the message of Jesus than the Apostle Paul? Who could claim to be more gracious, loving and accepting than Barnabas? Not many if anyone! Yet, even between these two spiritual Titans, a difference of opinion over a non-doctrinal issue arose that caused these two righteous and upright brothers to part ways. Conflict happens. Differences of opinion and approach arise, yet how we conduct ourselves in the midst of conflict says much about our hearts and the maturity level of our faith. The New Testament record seems to indicate that the two evangelists eventually arrived at a point of mutual respect, sharing resources and people even though they continued ministering independently, and never seem to have directly partnered in ministry together again.

Scripture calls Christian believers to act, speak and conduct our online activities with civility and love. It is not necessarily wrong to disagree, but the manner in which one disagrees and the attitudes displayed will dictate whether the debate leads to long-term resentment or to mutual respect. Colossians 4:6 admonishes us to “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Gracious communication should be reasonable, careful and courteous. We must handle our disagreements in an agreeable way. We have to constantly ask ourselves questions such as, “Am I venting or sharing?” “Am I being kind or cutting?” “Am I sharing in the proper context?” “Do I really need to share what I am feeling or is it best to ponder my thoughts a bit more?” “If I believe I need to share what is on my heart, what can I do to communicate my love for those I am trying to convince?”

I have been able to observe a few truths in action that I’d like to share. In my experience, no matter on what side of an issue Brothers and Sisters may have taken – even disagreements sharp enough to cause a parting of ways – those who walked in the light and love of Jesus were the quickest to heal and the first to reach out for some sort of reconciliation. Humility and love must guide truth and light. Right facts presented in a wrong way, “still ain’t right!” People we love deeply will sometimes disagree on a matter that hurts us greatly. Nevertheless, we must do all we can to peacefully follow our convictions while trusting that the brother or sister on the other side of the matter has righteous intentions but for whatever reason, just can’t see the situation the same as I do.

We should always seek to present our case in a way that demonstrates Christ in us and bears witness as His love shines through. In John 13:34-35 Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” It should always be our goal that in all our dealing, whether verbal, written or electronic, that others be able to clearly see our love for each other, even when we disagree. 1 Corinthians 13 gives us beautiful and unfailing instruction regarding the power of this kind of love – Jesus’ love:

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away…When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

If along the walk of faith you find yourself in disagreement with a fellow believer, remember that the way you voice your disagreement is just as important as the truth for which you are trying to stand. Make sure that in everything you do you are representing the Lord with excellence and love. Bathe all your actions in prayer. Finally, as you press forward doing your best to prove your point, make sure that as you win your argument you do your best not to lose your friend.

Until Next time…

Sam

Candle Lighters

"Better to light one candle, than to curse the darkness." This old adage came to my mind as my family and I attended the St. John Hospital's semi-annual Neonatal Intensive Care Unit Graduate celebration. During this festival, children who began their life journeys with medical problems of every kind, gather together with the medical staff who treated them to celebrate life and all the victories of defying the odds as survivors of premature births.

There would be nothing to celebrate were it not for the hard work and dedication of the St. John NICU staff. Each member of the NICU Team contributes a critical part of the total care package that ensures that NICU babies get the absolute best medical care possible and that parents get the emotional and spiritual support they need during an extremely difficult period. In the deepest valley of a particularly discouraging stage of Victoria's NICU experience, the entire St. John NICU Team (doctors, administrators, nurses, tech personnel and support personnel) guided our family through an almost unbearable situation with compassion, wisdom, and excellence. We knew that the St. John NICU Team was not only treating Victoria, they were also rooting for her and they were encouraging us in a most uncertain and fearful time.

I often asked myself during that period, what kind of people devote themselves to take on the monumental challenge of treating babies born so early with a greatly reduced possibility of survival and a greatly increased possibility of loss and heart break? The answer is really pretty simple - people who care! This care is exemplified to the highest degree in the person of Dr. Ali Rabbani. Dr. Rabbani established the St. John NICU in 1970 when the survival possibilities for premature babies were extremely remote. It was evident from observing him as he interacted with the children who graduated from St. John's NICU and their families that he delights in seeing each and every child and the remarkable progress that has been made in their lives after their NICU experiences. I was deeply touched personally as I considered that every family at the celebration was able to experience the joy of victory over death because of the determined efforts of this man. Dr. Rabbani and his associates, were not content to be satisfied with the status quo of assuming that babies born prematurely were a lost cause, but chose rather to study, investigate, prepare and apply their efforts so that they could beat back the odds and give children a chance who otherwise might have become just another preterm statistic.

The love the NICU team has for what they do and for the ones they treat is the greatest testament to the difference a few dedicated people can make when they choose to light candles rather than curse darkness. Their examples serve a challenge to all of us. Are we willing to apply the very best we have to offer intellectually, emotionally, physically and spiritually in extremely difficult situations? Are we dedicated to strive to be overcomers or good rather than passive bystanders who allow evil to take root when the battle is long and arduous? Are we willing to struggle with the possibility that we may lose in a particular effort to do good on a specific day, but that if we persist at doing what is good and right, all will not be lost in the long run? The St. John NICU staff has lit a fire within my soul to renew my commitment to apply myself without wavering to be committed to do good. It may cost me something in the process, but it will cost others much more if I squander my talents, sit and do nothing. I challenge each of you to commit yourselves to do the same.

Until Next Time...

Sam.
(Photo 1 : Victoria and NICU Administrative Supervisor Sandy)
(Photo 2 : Victoria and her very first NICU nurse, LaRae)
(Photo 3 : Dr. Casabar - Victoria's first NICU doctor, Dr. Rabbani, and Sam)
(Photo 4 : Dr, Casabar, Luz, Sam and Victoria in the front)